Getting Into the Swing of Things: My First Week as a D2 Member

Monday, July 9th began the newest chapter of my life. As you probably know, I received a contract to be a part of Philadanco's second company, D2. The contract lasts one year and begins with the six week summer intensive. The summer intensive includes an evening class Monday-Friday, followed by rehearsal Monday-Thursday for D2 members. This week's classes were Graham technique taught by Mary Barnett, a graduate of the Juilliard school and a master of this technique.

Since we only have Ms. Barnett for five days and it is an intensive setting, we got a broad overview of the basic Graham technique. This is not to say that she rushed through the exercises to get everything accomplished. On the contrary, she took her time teaching us the foundational concepts and combinations so we truly knew them and felt them in our bodies. Her class structure was about starting with the basics and building upon that to gain a better understanding of the technique, because as she always says, "Learning is accumulative."

Ms. Barnett treated the technique class like academic-type class. On the second day she brought in a huge notepad, tore off a piece of paper, taped it to the mirror, and wrote down all of the basic concepts and exercises that we learned on the first day. Each day we reviewed the list and added to it. As the week went on, we were expected to remember every exercise and do it in sequence so we could move through the class at a faster pace. Each combination was like a pop quiz; She asked us if this was a test, would you pass? These teaching techniques truly benefited me because when we reviewed the concepts everyday, I learned the combinations faster, and the added pressure of being expected to know the sequence always helps me "get on my game". Not only did I memorize the combinations well, but I truly understand what it's supposed to look like and how it's supposed to feel. There were always some members of the professional company who would demonstrate for Ms. Barnett, so she would break it down and show us how every little detail should be.

The Graham technique is based on contractions, which is where you hollow out your middle and let your chest and head relax. It's like making a C shape with your torso, and you have to keep your shoulders over your hips. The opposite of the contraction is when you straighten up and stretch the sides of your body, then you look up to the ceiling and open your chest and throat. The exercises involve both closing and opening the torso, so they counterbalance each other. This technique is especially about alignment, so you always have to be aware of where your body is in space. The first part of the class is done sitting, and most people like to sit with their torso forward from their hips; It's just more comfortable that way. But you have to push back so you're sitting directly on your sits bones and your back is straight, or as Ms. Barnett would say, "Get on your legs!"

Another element of Graham is spirals through the body. There are spirals of the shoulders and head, which is just a partial spiral, but there is also full spirals, which start with the pelvis, then middle, then shoulders, then the head is last. It's like you're a human barber shop pole! With all of these elements to think about, you also have to remember to breathe. You would think that comes naturally, but when you're working so hard, sometimes it can be forgotten. The breath is what moves the body. For example, you start a contraction by breathing in, and when you release the breath, that's what makes the abdomen contract. Even though we spent a lot of time on the floor and the movement seems simple, it was very challenging and requires a lot of strength and focus. The muscles should always be engaged no matter what you're doing. That's why I was extremely sore the next day even though we barely went across the floor! One of my favorite things that Ms. Barnett said was to surrender to the movement. She told us that if you surrender to the movement and also practice surrendering in daily life, everything will become easier. There is no point in fighting what is. Embrace it no matter what, and you will find life to be effortless and free. I could not agree more :)

As I said before, the second part of our evening is rehearsal. I don't really know how to describe the rehearsal process other than crazy, challenging, demanding, exhausting, and possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. They don't mess around here at Philadanco! Within the first night, the "newbies" (There are five new members including myself) were learning multiple sections to a piece called "Concerto". This piece is danced to music by Vivaldi, and it is contemporary ballet with a modern flair. The piece has three sections and is probably over 5 minutes long, but I can't say for sure because I've only actually seen bits and pieces. What I can say is that it's A LOT of choreography to learn in such a short amount of time. I learned the entire piece in 3 rehearsals. Not to mention that I was assigned as a swing, which means that I have to learn everyone's part for every dance. We learn either by watching a tape or asking one of the senior members who already know it. Freaked out, overwhelmed, frazzled, and confused does not even describe how I felt in the middle of the week. At one point the newbies had to show Donald (our company director) what we knew from the piece, and after we were done I was still shaking from nerves.

I think this week was so challenging because the majority of the company has already been there for at least a year, so they know some of the choreography like the back of their hand, and they don't slow down just because some of us are new. We had to get caught up immediately and get on their level. Despite this challenge of working our way into the already established group, I had a breakthrough yesterday. The day before I was a mess because I literally had no clue what I was doing and I have never felt like that before. But yesterday I worked my butt off to get caught up by taking initiative and asking everyone I could for help. For almost the entire 3 hours, I was reviewing everything that we have learned. I did it over and over and over again in order to remember it the best I could. We also wrote down the order of the sections because remembering the sequence was probably the hardest part. So, things are finally coming along and we're definitely making progress.

It has only been 4 days and I already feel like I'm transforming into a better and smarter dancer. Company work is unlike anything I have ever experienced, and I'm so grateful that I get this opportunity to challenge myself. Someone once told me that when you feel uncomfortable like a fish out of water, that's when the growing is taking place. I found that to be true this week. On Wednesday I felt like giving up during rehearsal, but instead, I did my homework and tried even harder the next day, and I came out of it stronger. I can feel my technique and body being enhanced, as well as my mind being more focused on the task at hand. Conquering the hurdle of the first week has inspired and motivated me to keep growing and overcoming those obstacles.

When You're Forced Out of Your Shell

Everyone likes to be in their comfort zone. It is so easy to be happy and carefree in that zone because there is nothing to challenge your happiness. When you're out of your comfort zone, there is a lot of fear involved because you are on unfamiliar territory. I believe that being out of your comfort zone is a challenge to see if you are truly happy and to see if you are able to hold onto that positive attitude through any uncertain situation. Essentially, we fall into the habit of negativity when we are out of our comfort zone because we are experiencing something new and our brain is imagining the worst possible outcome. This is actually a mechanism our mind uses to protect ourselves because it is preparing us for what can happen. But as you all know, most of the time when you are scared or you worry about something, it never turns out as bad as you imagine it. So, is it a good thing that we try to think ahead and prepare ourselves for the worst, or is it unnecessary stress and negativitiy?

Once I take the time to think about the situation rationally, I always realize that I am just causing unnecessary stress. But, how do you remember that and stay positive in the moment when you're in a downward spiral of worry and fear? I bring this up because this happened to me recently to the point where my whole mood was affected for the entire day. Of course, this was something that I would have liked to avoid, but by having this happen, I learned a lot about myself and discovered some things that I could do to feel better next time those feelings arose. I start to worry and stress when I feel overwhelmed, and I tend to feel overwhelmed very easily. When I start thinking about every little thing I have to do before a certain time, the negativity begins to creep in. It helps for me to write everything down so it is all on paper rather than jumbled around in my head. Then, I try to just focus on one thing at a time. I like to circle my three most important tasks (MITs), and those tasks are the first things I accomplish in my day. I got this idea from Leo Babauta's book, The Power of Less, and it has worked well for me in dealing with my stress.

The only reason you get stressed about doing a certain task, at least in my case, is because it is something you would rather not do or you feel uncomfortable doing. This goes back to the fear of being out of your comfort zone. For me, this would be singing and acting. I have to take singing and acting classes as part of my program at Broadway Dance Center, and before now, I have never practiced either one of them. As a dancer of 16 years, I have always been able to rely on my body and my movement to tell a story. Even when I dance, I struggle with my facial expressions and performance qualities in front of an audience because I am naturally an introverted person. So having to stand up in front of my whole class and not only sing a song, but perform it as well is absolutely terrifying when you haven't had any training. We also have to memorize and perform monologues for acting class, which is also out of my comfort zone. I know these experiences will benefit me because they are forcing me out of my shell that I have lived in for so long, but getting me to do something that I'm uncomfortable with is like pulling teeth. I will be the first one to admit that if I don't want to do something, I immediately figure out how I'm going to get out of it. But that is not productive because there are some things in life that are essential to your growth, and you just don't realize it until it's over.

I was trying to memorize my monologue on the subway the other day and once I started to imagine myself getting up in front of the whole class to perform it, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Something that helps me relax is simply taking a break from it for a while. This doesn't work if your deadline is the next day, but if you have a while to work on something, don't overwhelm yourself if you don't have to. Now, this is going to seem like a contradiction, but another tool for eliminating fear is to be prepared. So for me, I am going to be prepared by memorizing my monologues, practice it outloud, do my vocal warm up exercises, perform my songs in front of a mirror to practice facial expressions, etc. But, I am going to do this in my own time. I'm not going to do it all at once because I'm pretty sure I will have a stress overload. When it comes to performing and I'm really nervous, I find that it helps to tune everyone else out. This also works for public speaking or any type of presentation. Something we learned in both acting and singing is to close your eyes and really imagine the person you are singing to or the situation you are acting out. See it, feel it, smell it, taste it, hear it, and it will be easier for you to give a genuine performance. Whenever we did acting exercises and I imagined someone I love in that scenario, it felt like they were really there and I forgot about everyone else in the room, therefore, I forgot about being nervous.

I wish that I could go through life without ever encountering a situation that makes me scared, but that is almost impossible. The best thing to do when you're feeling negative is to try to find at least one benefit of the situation and think about how it will change your life. Everything happens for a reason. When you think about the big picture, what is honestly the worst that can happen? Someone will laugh at you, you'll mess up your lines, even losing your job is not that bad because it gives you the opportunity to find another one that you might like better. When you see everything with a positive light, even the potential negative outcomes don't seem that bad after all.

When Life Gives You Lemons...



You know the old saying about making the best of any given situation. Well, I wanted to talk about set backs and challenges in the field of dance. Everybody will encounter obstacles at some time in their life; it is an inevitable fact. Rather than think about how awful it is that we have to endure such hardships every once in a while, try to think about what you can gain from the situation. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s completely pointless to dwell on what went wrong and to feel sorry for yourself. You may not know how else to handle your disappointments, but treating everything as a learning experience is a more productive way of dealing with all those emotions. Don’t get me wrong, it’s completely acceptable to let yourself get upset about something for a little while. It’s a natural reaction that everyone has experienced. But once you get all of those negative feelings off your chest and start thinking positively, I guarantee you’ll feel better immediately. This only works for me if I let myself grieve and feel angry or sad first. When I get that out of the way, it is easier for me to put that aside and think about how I could’ve handled the situation better or what I can apply from this lesson next time.

This topic especially relates to dancers and I would like to discuss that now. Dance as an art form is very challenging and many dancers tend to be perfectionists because of the nature of the field. We are always expected to get the steps right and make them look extremely easy. We set ourselves up for disaster when we focus on perfection because then when we don’t get the part we wanted, or God forbid we get a bit of criticism, it sets us over the edge. We have to stop thinking that everything is going to go our way 100% of the time. If we didn’t have those low moments, we wouldn’t be able to enjoy the high ones. A perfect example, is when I auditioned last year to be in a section of Towson’s dance company show that included pieces choreographed by Alvin Ailey (you can learn more about Ailey’s work by checking out my post, Celebrating Revelations at 50). I was one of the very few people who did not make it. There must have been at least 40 people who auditioned and there were probably less than 10 that didn’t get to be in this section. I was devastated. There were multiple casts for each part and there were so many opportunities available that I could not believe I didn’t even get a chance. This was such a downfall for me that I actually considered giving up. But, there was another audition for the dance company after winter break and I dragged myself there thinking I would do it just for the heck of it. I made it into a piece entitled "Suite Farewell" and I was in 3 out of the 4 sections of this dance. I got a lot of stage time including group parts and I was featured in partnering sections where it was just me and another dancer onstage. Some people that made it into the Ailey section only got to be in one show because there were so many casts. This just goes to show you that what they say is really true: when one door closes another one opens.

It would be silly to just give up after one disappointment. Making mistakes is how you learn! So here are some tips on how to turn your life around when you hit a speed bump along the way.

1. Let Yourself Grieve First. I don’t mean sulk around for a month, but give yourself a day or maybe a couple to just let all those emotions pour out. You know yourself so you know how long you need. You also know what works for you when dealing with these feelings. I like to go for a walk or take a nice, hot bath. Once I have a little cry and get all my anger out, I feel like there is a weight lifted off of my shoulders. It’s not a good idea to bottle all of your emotions inside and bury them deep down because the more you hold them in, the more they are going to grow and it’s just going to be ten times worse when you finally let them out.

2. Learn From the Situation Without Rehashing Every Detail. It’s important to reflect on what happened and understand what you could have done differently. Don’t let this turn into a bashing session where you punish yourself for everything you did wrong. You did your best at the time and now that you have this new knowledge, your best will be even better next time. That’s how we learn and grow. I find that when I go over every little, tiny detail of a negative situation in my head I just feel worse. Learn to let go. Hang onto those important lessons and throw away those feelings of guilt. For example, if you don’t make the dance team at school you now know what they are looking for so you can practice hard and try again next semester. When you feel yourself criticizing that jazz combination that you had to perform in the audition and you start asking why you couldn’t have just landed the triple turn, stop yourself and move on. It’s never productive to punish yourself for something that you can’t change now.

3. Understand that Some Events Are Out of Your Control. You can control what you say, what you do, and what you think, but you can not control other peoples’ actions. This was a huge revelation for me even though it seems like common sense. Often times, we want everyone to like us and we wish that everyone else had the same thoughts and opinions as us. This never works because you are trying to control what someone else thinks. There are going to be certain people who think your performance was outstanding and some that aren’t really feeling it. It is impossible to please everyone, so don’t waste your time trying. The person who you should please is you by respecting yourself and by putting forth your best personal efforts no matter what others think. When you get criticized, no matter how much it may hurt, you have to know that that person has the right to their own opinion and if they can not see how hard you are working towards a particular goal, that is their own problem. When someone lashes out at you, they usually have their own issues going on behind closed doors. So, next time you experience a disappointment or unfortunate event just think, what is the opportunity in this?